When this happens there are so few 'concrete' things to hold on to. What I have is a stick with two purple lines, a birth centre card with one entry, a blurry six-week scan showing a heart beat that wasn't there six weeks later and an almost finished green tiles quilt.
And I had a due date.
And so it was yesterday that I awoke and the tears that I manage to hold on to most days just flowed as if I had already previously given myself some kind of permission that today it was ok to cry.
We went to the beach and we had lunch and it was in actual fact a lovely family day in an otherwise busy and chaotic time. And I couldn't help feeling all day like it would have been a beautiful day to have my summer baby.