Wednesday, June 2, 2010

the post that isn't going to write itself

So I have been a tad on the quiet side lately. I'm not sure why or more to the point, I'm not sure if there is one reason or if it's due to a collection of many reasons.

procrastination

Nothing to write about. Not feeling particularly inspired. Don't have a burning desire to do this or that. Sick children. Birthday parties. Rain. Rain. A bit more rain. Too much clutter. A very clingy two-and-a-half year old (read: sleeping with me, needing to shower with me). Not much time to myself. House hunting in Sydney. Lots of solo parenting due to the Mr's work travel commitments. Too many late nights. Oh and the kicker this week has involved me getting a case of impetigo (google it but make sure you're not eating at the time). And since this blog is meant to be my "happy place" I didn't really feel like giving a voice to any of those tricky bits and pieces of life.

Problem with that is I can't seem to blog about anything else until I get this out. Does that make sense? Perhaps it has been causing me a creative block NOT writing about these things.

Back in December I vowed to myself I would not blog about my miscarriage again. Not because I wanted to pretend it never happened but, you know, this space was never meant to be about "that" kind of stuff. And not that I mind reading other people's blogs that discuss these types of issues because I do (it kinda makes me feel like I'm not the only one you know?) but I just felt it was the last time I wanted to deal with it in a public forum.

However I'm guessing lately that my "ho-humness" with life in general could be related to the fact that it was around about sometime this time last year that it all happened. I say, "sometime around this time" because in the ultimate dose of mother-guilt I have no idea of the exact moment that poor little baby's heart stopped beating.

So for now I am trying to be a bit gentle with myself in other ways. I'm spending time tinkering around with bits and pieces of furniture in an attempt to make my space a bit more inspiring (for everyone)


drawing

shelves

brushes


 I'm trying to take the time to sit down when I have a cup of tea in my hand


a moment

 I'm trying not to feel too guilty about flicking on the tv for the kids every now and then and I'm taking the time when I can to visit blogs even if I'm not writing one.

So we shall see what comes of that.

19 comments:

  1. I think life just gets like that sometimes. It's important to take time to just 'be' without feeling you must report this or that & to be busily working & creating all the time. And of course it must be a very emotional time for you & your family after such a loss. I'm glad you feel you can talk about it & get comfort from others sharing their stories. You know, blogging is a bit of a happy place for me too but I've taken a little break this week, trying to reduce my computer time which can often be way too much. Today was the first time I've posted in a week which seems ages when I normally write something most days, but it's been nice to visit others in a quiet moment & just take it all in...continue being gentle with yourself, you are very wise to recognise the need for it...x

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm glad you're blogging again - sometimes you just need to do it, even if it's not the most earth shattering post.

    And posting about a miscarriage is fine, no matter how many times you feel you need to do it - I had one in January and since I started talking more openly about it I am amazed at the number of amazingly supportive women out there who have been through the same.

    Chin up, things will look sunny again soon, and meanwhile enjoy some tea and knitting.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'VE MISSED YOU WOMAN! It's good to hear from you. And to be honest, I never can quite relate to the blogs that are all shiny happy. I'm always drawn to the ones that acknowledge and deal (or don't) with the 'blurgh' bits – the ones that aren't afraid to wear a bit of heart on the sleeve. So here's an extraordinarily large hug winging it's way over to you. Brace yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hope things start turning sunny. Reading your post reminded me of an inspirational post a read a couple months ago at Che and Fidel's... you should read it if you get the time. Not sure if it wiill help but it may be of interest- http://cheandfidel.blogspot.com/2010/02/pregnancy-loss.html

    xo Lots of love. Meagan.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Life with little ones can be so hard at times. Add to that our own expectations, needs and wants and it can all become a little bit too much sometimes.

    Taking a step back, having some time to just be, and do the bare minimum (to sit down when you have a cup of tea in your hand) is so so necessary.

    Life is so hectic and you've definately had alot on your plate that is so physically and emotionally draining, it's not surprising you've temporarily run out of puff.

    Little steps.........
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  6. OMG! I had impetigo when I was in th e 4th grade.

    I hid it so well from my parents that I gave it to my 2 brothers and I ended up with a sore (on my ass) the size of a frisbee - I shit you not and I still have the scar to prove it.

    My undoing was my cousin, I was at her place for a sleep over and she dobbed me in. Probably for the best given my entire body could have become a giant weeping scab.

    Hope this has brought a smile to your dial ;)

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think we all go through phases where nothing seems to make us happy. I guess I'm sort of going through one right now myself. But we get through it. We always get through it.
    And things always happen for a reason, don't they? I'm hoping. You are a beautiful person.

    ReplyDelete
  8. oh Mel, i send you hugs & hope that things feel a little bit more normal soon.
    take your time, enjoy the moments, try to get some sleep & drink as much tea as you need.
    thank you for thinking of me & popping by to say hello. you are a sweet, sweet person.

    hugs to you

    ReplyDelete
  9. Take care as best you can Mel.
    Those flowers are beautiful - be sure to keep surrounding yourself with such vibrant colour.
    *Hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh gracious! I had to look up impetigo. Very sorry to hear of your affliction! Hope things settle down for you, and that crafty inspiration strikes soon. . .

    ReplyDelete
  11. Impetigo is awful. My sister had it when she was little and it was behind her ear hidden by hair and mum didn't find it til it was completely out of control (and then had massive mother guilt).

    Big hugs to you, taking things a bit easy and being kind to yourself sounds like a good plan. I hope it works.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. You'll feel better now. I was holding back some "life" crap from blog land and it felt like I was being a fraud. Trying to put on a bright face when I was down. Now the troubles are still there, off in the distance, but I don't feel like I'm lying to friends anymore. Your allowed to have a down time. We all have them, I just wish I was a little closer to pop over , share a cup-pa and maybe a big slab of chocolate!! xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey, that all sounds like a whole heap of crap! I commiserate, my friend. No wonder you haven't felt like doing anything. I hope that a burden shared is a burden halved, now that you've made the effort to articulate the blah. I've really missed you from around these parts (but am in no way pressuring you to bounce back immediately. I'm just saying. Cos I like you. An' stuff).

    ReplyDelete
  14. It's good to hear you are being gentle with yourself- so important!- inspiration will return. It's horrible being sick and clingy 21/2 year olds are very trying.
    I'm hoping for some sunny days soon...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh how I wish I could share that cuppa tea with you...I'm feeling for you, I really am...I totally get your space, go easy on yourself okay...and most importantly take time for you. xt

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi Mel, it's lovely to have you back, and I enjoyed your post. This weather is crazy, I agree (perfect for toddler cabin fever), your knitting looks lovely, and I hope you have a great weekend. x

    ReplyDelete
  17. oh mel, this is YOUR space and you should not feel in any way restricted about what to write or not write. work through your days however you need to and do not for one moment feel guilty about any of it. because then you'll feel guilty about feeling guilty and that just won't do. enjoy your days as you choose and write about whatever you want to. just be. and when you feel it, be happy. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  18. hey lovely Mel,
    hope you've had a good weekend. can you please pop by when you get a chance
    thanks

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh Mel, I'm so sorry to hear you have been feeling this way and I do hope writing this post provided some healing.
    I feel so guilty. I thought I had leant that book to my Mum and forgot all about it until I found it in my bedside table today. I will send it to you as soon as I can. Maybe now is the right time to read it?
    xx

    ReplyDelete

Hi! Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Now go and make something!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails